girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
