You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
