i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
