I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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