I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
