Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
