is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
