Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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