he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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