i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
