The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
