Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize