I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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