Where are you?
In a non slutty way
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He passed out mid-signature
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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