After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
