Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
