Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize