remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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