the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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