I wish you could order shots online.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
