I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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