tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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