I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
