bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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