I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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