how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
