Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
