But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
