the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
