I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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