Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
