U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
