Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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