I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
