My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
