He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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