Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
