Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
