Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
