She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
