I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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