I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
