Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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