Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
