If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
