so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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