No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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