I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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