I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
