She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
