happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
