have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
