Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dear god my vagina.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
