I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
ttyl tear gas
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
