we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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