She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
