just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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