im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
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Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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