My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
