he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize