just come out here and I will go home with you...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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